the world according to eric (that's me!)

hair cut

great day!!

kind guy with the beard, the wee feckeyedleeye guy and the why-eye guy decided it was time to give the girls and the alpacas their annual hair cut.

rupert said he knew it was time for the hair cut because the wall had started to rise. asked what he meant and he said it's an old farmers' saying. "when the wall rises the sheeps gets surprises"

said i thought he'd made that up but rupert was having none of it. since rupert's not generally good at rhyming or scanning and since the phrase does both, i can only assume dear reader that he is right.

so the wall must have risen as the sheeps definitely got their surprises. the only one who escaped was lilly, who's too young just now. she decided to have a nap while the others were in the chair.

because rupert knew what was coming we managed to get front row seats. trigger had to stand on top of the trossachs to get a decent view!

anyway it took all day and there was an awful lot of swearing and cursing - and that was just the sheeps! the alpacas forgot they'd had theirs done and went in again for good measure. chris did the same - but we all knew it was only so he'd get double rations of the ginger nuts the bossy woman was doling out. madge and mungo refused point blank to have a hair cut, spat at everyone there and managed to escape - and there was very nearly a nasty accident with scary mary before the wee fekeyedleeye guy remembered where he was putting the trimmers.

it was baking hot and jenny made a killing with the sale of sun screen - which had a familiar smell but i couldn't quite place it. she said it was factory 25 and strong stuff - she was right about that. it absolutley honked. still, if it does the job.

the kind guy with the beard, the wee feckeyedleeyeguy and the why-eye guy can hardly stand now. something to do with a nackered back. or neck. or shoulder.

rupert and i laughed till we cried and then laughed some more.

can't wait for next year!

blind fold

whoa!
how did that happen?
one minute i was happily munching away on gingernuts and describing the subtle textures and aromas and the next i was sitting in the corner blindfold and having to admit to an angry mob that maybe - just maybe – i hadn’t made things quite as clear as i could have done.
apparently the guys thought a gingernut tasting was a gingernut tasting. and everyone would get to taste gingernuts.
how was i supposed to know that??
things wouldn’t have been so bad if some bright spark – my former friend gill in fact - hadn’t suggested a blindfold gingernut tasting.
so we did the blindfold tasting – with me in the corner in a blindfold and the others tasting the gingernuts.
apparently they were very good.
pleased about that.

lilly

snow!!

everywhere!!

except of course we don't see it. oh no. we have to stay inside because it's "cold".

ok so woossy horses like tim should stay inside - i quite agree with that - but how do they suppose our relations climb up mountains in outer mongolia?

with a fleecy jacket and a ski hat????

so tea was cancelled. as was lunch. and our entire social life.

the only good thing about being stuck in the stable - AGAIN - was that i got to meet lilly. i had quite forgotten she was there now that she doesn't shout so much. i got talking to her mum nicole - who it would appear has been getting rather more than her fair share of gingernuts these past 2 weeks - and there was lilly hiding behind her (substantial) leg.

lilly is quite runty really and seems to have a problem with walking forwards - she springs sideways - but i can tell we'll have some fun once she's allowed outside.

nicole still says she isn't hers, but says she felt sorry for the little one and has adopted it. rupert thinks the kind guy with the beard's maybe been practicing with his post but I didn't see any bruises i must say.

so we have a new member of the gang - can't talk, can't walk straight and springs about like a nutter.

she'll fit in just fine!

 

wild goose chase

ha ha!

great day!!

kind guy with the beard was away so bossy woman decided she'd take over and get us all inside for the night.

no chance!

there we were all waiting at the field gate and rupert said - right let's have some fun. rupert has been so depressed lately that it was great to see him back to normal and we all decided to do him proud.

tim and caspar swapped stables at the last minute. rupert and i split up and went in different stables and then shouted because we'd got split up. jill and lucy stayed in the field and the bossy woman had to traipse across the field in the dark to get them. best moment was when she got stuck in the mud again.

jenny went in the llemon's stable. the llemons went in the guinea pigs' shed. bruce was furious. he kept shouting at them to get out but madge coudn't hear at that pitch. she kept spitting back just in case bruce was being rude.

ozzie went in the big shed with the girls. seamus left the field, came into the yard and crept up behind the bossy woman when she wasn't looking. he then grunted and when she dropped her bucket of feed he made off with it. we didn't know he could move so fast!

chris went to steal the llemon's feed. ozzie stole the ducks feed. madge and mabel tried to steal a motorbike. they couldn't hot wire it though and gave up.

and scary mary and charlie climbed on top of the feed sacks in the workshop and helped themselves.

trigger forgot where he normally went and when - and ended up in the right stable at the right time. he was absolutley amazed - that was the first time that had ever happened.

and rupert?

rupert laughed so much that i cried with joy to have him back again.

a great, great day!!!

brothers

went to the meeting of the brothers yesterday. was amazed to see that tim was there - since when was he a brother?? - he's only been around a few months.

then lucy and jenny walked in.  i'm obviously missing somethign here. jenny was munching on something of course - i would guess it's igloo feed. certainly one of the igloos was peering over the wall at her. she didn't offer us any.

grumpy guts rupert was there too.

the meeting started well enough, with all of us in the same boat - fairly pissed off at having to put up with all this interruption - to our routine AND to our treats - but things got difficult when caspar asked if we'd made any progress with the igloos.

we haven't and i really didn't want to go there again.

for goodness sake - we're not getting enough sleep or enough treats - we simply don't have the strength to go out in this foul weather to try to teach manners to some prehistoric old bird with a huge beak and a red wig - so i changed the subject before rupert could bite his head off.

caspar's that is.

even rupert in this mood wouldn't tackle an igloo on the run.

i hope . . .

 

on strike

right.

that's it.

apparently we're all on strike.

rupert says first we get crammed into the little stable. then we have to sit by and look the other way as the funny sucking noises come out of next door.

then we have to watch as nicole gets apples and gingernuts and anything else she wants - EVEN THOUGH SHE STILL SAYS IT ISN'T HER BABY!!!!

then to cap it all we get shut in JUST BECAUSE IT'S RAINING.rupert says what do they think we are? big girls' blouses??

i nearly said i had a big girls' blouse and i called it my posh smock - but decided not to mention it. rupert was really mad. he was ok until the vet guy appeared but completely lost it after that. he was even annoyed that nicole had an injection. an injection! that really hurts!!!

things have got very serious.

rupert's summoned what he calls a "meeting of the brothers" tomorrow. so that'll be rupert my real brother and trigger my twin brother and me presumably. asked why the others weren't coming and apparently i'vegot it wrong. again. "brothers" refers to something completely different.

glad we've cleared that up then.

trigger says rupert needs to take a chill pill. can't think why - it's freezing in that stable. even the wee shouty thing has a coat on.

and what do i think?

i want to know what a strike is and does it keep you warm??

 

wee shouty thing

dreadful night!

for some reason best known to the kind guy with the beard, our little stable has been commandeered for the wee shouty thing that appeared yesterday. so caspar, jill, rupert and i are all crammed into the one stable.

rupert says it's disgrace. he's going to talk to charlie about it. just as soon as charlie's forgiven us for shopping nicole.

that'll be some time never then.

it's not so much the lack of space - trigger's not in there so we can at least breathe - it's the noise. every couple of hours it starts shouting. then nicole starts banging on the stable door to get away from it. then the kind guy with the beard comes in. then there's a funny sucking sound. then it goes quiet again.

every couple of hours.

day and night.

rupert says at least it's got us off igloo watch - we're far too tired for that and caspar's given us a few days off - but that's not much consolation at 2am.

note to self - ask caspar what's going on in there - he's the only one who can see over the stable door.

birthday!!!!

it's my birthday!!!

got bucketloads of gingernuts from the gang, another a-roaming therapy voucher from lucy to replace the one seamus ate and a new string for my bow tie from jill.

no-one got trigger anything so i gave him four packets of gingernuts. he was so pleased. he's told everyone i've given him more gingernuts than he can count.

day was ruined though as caspar told us we had to get on with this mac and mable thing - EVEN THOUGH IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY. this is beyond a joke. we're supposed to teach some manners to a pair of jail birds (ha ha) who are on the run, using false names, have some sort of dodgy arrangement with a kestrel and won't stand still long enough to listen to what we have to say.

rupert decided enough was enough.  rupert says you learn more when you're not trying - apparently things can seep into your brain without you realising. it's called sub lemon and lime cog science.

i said things are always seeping into my brain when i'm not looking - it's called a hole in the stable roof.

anyway apparently we can use this cog science to our advantage.

got everything set up and went in search of the igloos.   discovered mac - or brenda - lurking behind the spa - in disguise!!!!

things are obviously far worse than we thought. on top of everything else, the igloos have absolutely no sense of style.

red hair on an igloo?

i don't think so!

twins

back again at last!!

and where have we been this time? yet another problem with this wall of fire. it's amazing no-one's been hurt! have had a word with charlie and he'll talk to the elf of safety to see what we can do.

in the meantime it's my birthday tomorrow!!!

i'd forgotten - but my friend gill came to see me (another gill with red hair but not poorly feet - or so she says) and she reminded me. she's brought me bucket loads of gingernuts. trigger says it's his birthday too. rupert says if that's true then trigger and I must be twins. don't fancy being a twin with trigger as he farts in his sleep and can't count - but who am i to argue with the forces of nature?

anyway gill says i can't have my gingernuts until tomorrow. gill is wrong. i saw her put them in the wooden shed and i can have them whenever i want.

so back to business. caspar had asked us to give the igloos another chance so we did. but first we spoke to ozzie. ozzie has little to do with mac and mable and we wanted to know why. at first ozzie didn't want to say, but eventually he caved in as rupert had a borbon biscuit behind his ear and we all know ozzie'll do anything for a borbon.

turns out mac and mable aren't mac and mable at all - their real names are brenda and sheila and they're on the run from the igloo police. asked why they were pretending to be something they're not and ozzie said something i didn't catch about pots and kestrels.

rupert says kestrels are stroppy birds with big beaks - so i guess they'd have a fair bit in common with igloos. not sure where the pots come in.

anyway we've reported back to caspar and he says we have to get to the bottom of this. by "we" of course he means rupert and me - kwell surprise as rupert says!

one more chance

terrible weather. gale force winds and rain and the kind guy with the beard decided we should stay in again. we took the time to regroup in the big stable to consider our next move with mac and mable.or at least rupert and the guys did. i found some old cardboard and considered that instead.

tim says we have to have another go. he says if at first you don't succeed, try try again. tim of course is not the one on the receiving end of the beak. madge told us she'd once read a self help book that said if at first you don't succeed at least make sure you destroy the evidence. i pointed out that mac and mable were systematically destroying my book. hope caspar didn't hear.

caspar asked us to give his method one more chance. he has suggested we speak first wih ozzie to see if perhaps there is a language barrier. caspar says there is no reason for anyone in pets corner to behave like this and perhaps mac and mable simpy don't understand our customs.

george said he'd been through customs once on his way from the handies. he said it was a dreadful time and he never wanted to repeat it. he said they treated you like animals and if that's what was wrong with mac and mable then he was with the igloos.

we all looked at george for an explanation.

he said nothing more.

caspar has suggested we wait for this storm to pass - thankfully. the idea of being cold, wet AND pecked at didn't really appeal.

went back to my cardboard just as trigger suggested we should play count the bricks.

oh joy!